Monday, 5 November 2012


John Tenniel, illustration to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
I have an unusually long and flexible neck, like a rubber band.  If I jump, my head bows as my body lifts and by the time my head's caught up my body's on the descent again.  At school I was allowed to miss trampolining. 

I've had part of my bedroom wall excavated so that I can lie in bed and keep my feet beneath the duvet.  My head fits into the recess in the masonry and I sleep on a pillow made of cavity wall insulation.

I can't reach my head to wash my face or hair or to clean my teeth.  Mine is a lonely life. 

If I look at my feet I fall over. 

At weddings I'm often asked to lie on the ground so that the happy couple can jump over my neck for luck.  I don't mind too much and am always flattered to be asked.  If it's rained recently the bride's family usually provides a tarpaulin sheet for me to lie on.  I've only once been kicked. 

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