John Tenniel, illustration to Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
I have an unusually long and flexible neck, like a rubber band. If I jump, my head bows as my body lifts and by the time my head's caught up my body's on the descent again. At school I was allowed to miss trampolining.
I've had part of my bedroom wall excavated so that I can lie in bed and keep my feet beneath the duvet. My head fits into the recess in the masonry and I sleep on a pillow made of cavity wall insulation.
I can't reach my head to wash my face or hair or to clean my teeth. Mine is a lonely life.
If I look at my feet I fall over.
At weddings I'm often asked to lie on the ground so that the happy couple can jump over my neck for luck. I don't mind too much and am always flattered to be asked. If it's rained recently the bride's family usually provides a tarpaulin sheet for me to lie on. I've only once been kicked.